The facts you need to know about me: I'm useless. Old, unemployed (and unemployable), unfit, greasy, stupid etc. If you can think of a derogatory desciptor of a human being you can probably apply it to me. This is not to get your pity, I don't need that. I'm just explainng my circumstances. I am making this site to keep myself accountable, and track my self improvement, as well as practice a mostly forgotten skill. Some things are of course not fixable, some things are just me (my age for instance), however I need to figure out what are just the realities of my brain & body and what can be changed. I need to get uncomfortable and brave. I don't know how to do that exactly.
As I have been thinking about my failures, I understand that I need help from other people, and also to be less passive, floating, and more autuonomous and driven for lack of better terms. I need to actievly do things istead of just floating along, that does not help. I see videos from people about not sitting in comfort and doing scary things and sitting in discomfort. I have never been comfortale, but I think I get what they're getting at. So I have identified 5 things I need to focus on in order to try and change something, because something has to give.
THe list is below. I know i sound whiny, my goal is to stop that. Stop most, but not all the bad thngs. if you want to get to know me better follow my YouTube. I am much less depressing on there. I need to look at myself clearly, which means coming to terms with my loserness, the only way to get out of it I think. I also have a lot of shame etc. I'm trying to lift my energy so as to be less poison to humanity. Idk if I can do it.